DEALING WITH MISUNDERSTANDINGS IN RELATIONSHIPS

I don’t wake up any morning and decide I’m going to get into a tiff with anybody and same with millions of people in the world. When I sit or lie down to consciously plan my day most mornings, I don’t add ‘have a 30mins misunderstanding session with Vee’ and neither do these other people. It’s one of those things that just happens… even to the best of friends.

The most lovey-dovey couple have misunderstandings; close siblings misunderstand themselves; colleagues, too. I hope you now get the picture: having misunderstandings in your relationships is not an accurate indicator of its un-wellness. You don’t have two people in that ship and think it won’t happen.

As common as this occurrence is, it holds great destructive powers when not handled right. When the two people involved, communicate from different emotional wavelengths, they ruin things. When the focus shifts from the problem at hand to tearing the esteem of one another, they further ruin things. But deep within their hearts, that’s not the solution they’re hoping for.

Then, how do we go about handling misunderstandings, when they arise, without losing treasured relationships in the process?

I’ll reference and paraphrase a scripture that helps: as much as is within your power, live peaceably with all men. This shows there’s something we can do, there’s resident power to. Let’s see a few guidelines.

Firstly, if something the other party does offends you, in clear words, make your grievances known. Don’t start acting funny and then expect them to pick the cue, not everyone will. And then, you’d further be angered because of failed expectations.

Secondly, don’t always up and run when there’s a squabble. Stay and figure things out; stay and resolve things. Staying means:

-listening to their side (what they have to say),

-understanding them (seeing things from their viewpoint),

-calmly stating your hurt and not spoiling for a fight,

-loving and desiring their company— your together time— even when you feel like putting a planetary distance between both of you.

In general, staying means communicating with a tank full of love.

Thirdly, place great value on what you share and what you mean to each other. See the conflicting matter before the both of you as the problem and not each other. And so, attack the problem not yourselves.

Fourthly, don’t spend time that would be better spent in productive labour, creating mountains out of molehills. Don’t blow matters out of proportion in a bid to show your anger and then create a huge rift. There’s a lot for both of you to achieve and do, that there’s no time to be wasted closing a gulf that shouldn’t have been created.

And finally, when you perceive that you might have done something to offend the other party, take the first step to reconciliation. Take for example: my best friend and I follow an unwritten schedule; we chat every night before bed. Yesterday night, we’d just gotten started when I began to feel very tired. My bestie is trying to tell me of a brilliant idea but the messages trickle in slowly and my head just began to ache. Without notice, I get off the chat and just sleep off. I wake up this morning, headache’s gone and then I recall what happened last night. Wow! I messed up. It’s completely okay if my bestie is angry. But without even waiting for that reaction and flare-up that may follow, I should quickly send a message to explain things.

Putting at the forefront the importance of our relationship to me, I should seek to make things better… whatever it takes.

Most, if not all, of the tips shared here are lessons Abba taught in my personal dealings and they worked. (If you’re close enough, I can give more graphic details, lol) I’m just trying to say that God(or Abba, as I love to call Him) is the best relationship adviser you can ever get. And what’s even better is that He is closer to you than anyone else can be; develop your relationship with Him.

Feel free to always reach out… if you feel I can be of any help. I love you, take care.